Thursday, January 12, 2012

If the house is a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'

I don't subscribe to any sort of organized religion.  That being said . . . I’m not opposed to religion.  I don’t particularly care what anyone else believes in just as long as it doesn’t effect me and, especially, if they don’t push their beliefs on me.

I live in a community where there’s a fairly populous Jehovah Witness community.  Again . . . I don’t care about them and their practices.   Except that their practices  . . . sometimes (too often) effect me.

They regularly blanket the community; going from door to door.  You can spot them a mile away . . . youngish, attractive and well dressed.  And they have no problem with intruding on your privacy.

Knock Knock

Witnesses, "We're doing a survey on religion in America. Could you give us a minute of your time to answer a few questions?"

Me, tucking a towel under my arms, “As you can see I just got out of the shower, but I guess I can answer one or two questions.”

Witnesses, “Do you regularly attend a church?”

Me, as towel comes untied and falls to the floor, “No.”

Unaffected . . . Witnesses, “Do you ever attend church?”

Me, as I readjust my towel, “No.”

From upstairs, “Honey, what’s taking you so long.”

Witnesses, “Do you believe in heaven?”

Me, pointing to the ceiling, “Yeah, it’s up there waiting for me.”

A singsong voice from upstairs, “I’m waaiiiiting forr youuuuuuuuuuu.”

Now they begin to get the point because one of Witnesses suddenly looked kind of embarrassed and the other one made a small "eek" type sound.

With a quota to fill . . . Witnesses, "Well, uhm, if you believed that heaven might be real, would you like to know more about it?"

Me, “I’ll tell you what . . . if you come back later I’ll tell you all about it.”

Now-a-days I just don’t answer my door if I don’t know who’s there . . . but then again, they haven’t come a-knockin’ any time in recent memory.  Could be my address is on some kind of ‘do-not-knock’ list.  They may be holy rollers, but they ain’t stupid.

Or maybe they are . . . there was one time when one got pretty darned close to getting shot.  I was walking along the sidewalk very early in the morning on my way to catch my commuter train when a car pulled up beside me.  A man got out of the vehicle and approached me, “Can I ask you a few questions.”  I started backing up and he just kept right on coming.  Feeling extremely threatened and trapped, I was seconds from drawing my firearm.  That was when he started waiving his pamphlets at me and blabbering about getting saved.  Well, nobody got shot that day but he certainly got a piece of my mind.

Believe in what you want . . . don't come to my home uninvited, don't bother me, don't talk to me.

Hearty Pumpernickel Bread

2 Cups Warm Milk
2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil
4 Tablespoons Molasses
3 1/4 Cups Bread Flour
1 1/3 Cups Rye Flakes
1/2 Cup Cornmeal
1 1/3 Teaspoons Salt
2 2/3 Teaspoons Active Dry Yeast
4 Tablespoons Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
2 2/3 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
1 Extra Large Egg
1 Tablespoon Water

Process rye flakes into a rough flour in a food processor or blender.  Rye flour may be substituted.

Mix well bread flour, rye flour, cornmeal, salt, yeast, cocoa, and brown sugar. Add milk, oil, and molasses. Mix thoroughly. When mixed well enough that the dough holds together, knead by hand 15-20 minutes.

Cover, let rise in bowl 60 minutes. Punch down, form into a loaf or place into 9 1/2x5 inch pan.

Cover with damp cloth and let rise about 1 hour.

Brush egg wash over tops of loaves.

Bake in preheated 375 degree F oven 25 to 30 minutes.

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