Monday, October 31, 2011


Happy Halloween!

Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.

Although he’s not really all that old, half the time my hubby acts like a grumpy old man . . . an old fogey, as it were.  The scary thing is, if he’s like this now what am I in for when he really is old??  Holy crow!

So, what in the heck is an old fogey anyway?  A fogey is an old man with who is extremely fussy with an overly conservative attitude.  Therefore, adding old to fogey is redundant since the word already assumes old age.  It’s akin to an ATM and ATM machine, if you catch my drift.

Okay . . . where does catch my drift come from?  Drift, when used in this manner, means to drive . . . so you could just as easily say “if you catch what I’m driving at”. 

Now that that’s cleared up . . . where does the word fogey (or fogy) originate?

It’s possible that ‘fogy’ is derived from the English word ‘fogram/fogrum’ which is a person with old-fashioned or overly conservative attitudes.  When using this word it is most often preceded with ‘old’. 

However, I’m leaning towards the word ‘fogy’ that dates back to the 18th century.  It’s an out of use Scots word that means either bloated or moss-covered . . . so it would kind of be like a distended, moldy old man.  That doesn’t exactly describe my hubby but it’s certainly something to look forward to! 

Interestingly and perhaps corroborating this association is that, in the same era, military veterans were often referred to as ‘foggies’ in direct correlation to the Scots use of the word . . . as in crusty old soldiers being moss covered with age.   Later ‘old fogy’ became a term used when referring to old or decrepit soldiers.   Even so far as longevity pay based on length of service being referred to as ‘fogy pay’.

I wonder if wives can claim ‘fogy pay’ based on however long they are married and how grumpy their husband is   . . . hmmmm.  

<<<< See that look? That's the look i'm going to get when he reads this blog post.  Hehe.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

This man is the bee's knees . . . he is the wasp's nipples.

I tell my hubby all the time that he’s got bee's knees and a bumble butt.  Now, don’t go thinking that’s insulting . . . I actually think his knees and his butt are quite cute . . . they are terms endearments!

If you’ve heard the expression, you know that if something is the bee’s knees it is something good . . . of superior quality

What surprised me is how old the saying is . . . it first appeared in print over 200 years ago!  Originally it was used . . . appropriately . . . to describe something that is tiny  . . . you know, like bee’s knees?  How and when it could have evolved into meaning something excellent, I don’t know.

Another thought is that the bee’s knees may actually refer to Bee’s knees . . . Bee Jackson that is.  Who is Bee Jackson, you ask?  Bee is a dancer from the 1920’s who popularized the Charleston . . . you know, that knee knocking dance?  Apparently, she had some darned cute knees . . . and knew how to use them!

My favorite is this . . . "b's and e's" was shorthand for "be-alls and end-alls" . . . b’s-n-e’s . . . bee’s knees.  At the very least it’s an interesting theory.

“This man is the bee's knees, Arthur, he is the wasp's nipples. He is, I would go so far as to say, the entire set of erogenous zones of every major flying insect of the Western world.” 
― Douglas AdamsSo Long, and Thanks for All the Fish a quote from the fourth book in the Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy

Friday, October 28, 2011

Firewater Friday - Alcohol Abuse

I bartend on weekends.  One of the regulars can pack them away although he never appears to get drunk.  I think it's possible he has a drinking problem.  

The reason I say this is because, there was one time when he and some fellow carousers were drinking kamikaze's and something horrible happened.  

Disguises to protect the innocent
While in the midst of telling of his latest exploits and gesticulating wildly he accidentally knocked over the little cocktail pitcher containing said kamikaze's.  

The drink dumped out all over the bar top. The horror!  I rushed over and wiped it up with a paper towel.  

The man promptly snatched the sopping towel from my hand and stuffed it in his mouth.  He proceeded to chew it up and swallow it!  I sh!t you not!  Why?  He said it was a sin to waste a good drink . . . to do so would be alcohol abuse.  

I swear I couldn't make something like that up even if I tried.

Too funny!

Pineapple Cocktail

11/2 Ounces Pineapple Juice
1-Ounce Vodka
1-Ounce Grand Marnier
1/2-Ounce Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice
Turbinado Sugar, For The Rim (Optional)

Chill a martini glass in the freezer. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the pineapple juice, vodka, Grand Marnier, and lime juice. Cover and shake vigorously, until combined and chilled, about 30 seconds.

Scatter some turbinado sugar onto a small plate, wet the rim of the glass and dip into sugar. Strain the drink into the chilled glass. Cheers.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

All the world loves a good loser.

Someone told me a funny story that I had to relay.  Keep in mind, that this is a very smart man, which is what makes this tale even funnier.

His son plays football for a team the hosts a tag sale every year for a fund raiser.  The families of the team members donate stuff to sell.

So, this guy was helping out at the tag sale and saw a shirt with his last name on it.  He thought it was cool, albeit quite a coincidence, and decided to buy it for his son.

He brought the shirt home to show his wife.

"Hey!  Look what I found at the tag sale!  How cool is that?!"

His wife looked at him and said, "you moron.  That's a shirt we donated to the tag sale."

Of course, he then felt completely stupid.

His wife told him to take it back.  He was like, "no way!  I already paid for the shirt . . . twice.  I'm not taking it back."  

Knowing he'd feel even dumber donating back the shirt he already paid for, he chucked it.  

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Damn that's a big nose you have. Must be nice to wake up every morning and smell the Brazil

I’m a chop buster from way back . . . yups, I like to tease and poke fun.   

So what is a chop anyway? It’s not a meat product I can tell you that . . . mmmmm, pork chop (with applesauce, of course). 

Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s not a meat product but there was a trend from the early 20th when mutton chops or lamb chop sideburns were all the rage. Back then busting someone’s chops wouldn’t be particularly prudent and you’d probably end up with your own chops getting busted . . . that is if you were fashionable and actually had chops. 

The expression actually goes even further back . . . in the 16th century, ‘chops’ was used to describe one’s jaws, mouth and parts of the mouth. 

 You know . . . as in licking your chops after eating a particularly succulent piece of steak as the juices run down your chin. Yeah, like that. 

 So, literally, busting chops would be like punching someone in the mouth or whacking someone upside the head. Of course now it’s more metaphorical . . . not an actual smack across the ol’ choppers.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

You do it . . . I do it . . . everybody does it.  It’s completely natural and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. 

No not that!!  For the love of snarts, get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m talking about sternutation.

It starts as a little tickle.  As it builds you take a deep breath . . . you close your eyes . . . you press your tongue against the roof of your mouth . . . and then all of a sudden a burst of air erupts your nose.   A sneeze . . . it sounded kind of sexy there for a second, didn’t it.  Perv.

There is an ancient belief that sneezing is a near-death experience; that is why people “bless you” after your sneeze.  The blessing is supposed to prevent your soul from escaping your body and to deter the devil from entering in.

You can try to prevent this near death by trying to breathe through your mouth and pinching the end of your nose.    However, if you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.  Just sayin’. 

I say let ‘em fly . . . just not all over the person standing next to you; that’s just rude. 
A sneeze travels at a speed over 100 miles per hour the fastest sneeze recorded was a whopping 136 miles per hour . . . yeah, someone actually measured that.  Ew.

Maybe even more impressive is that a single sneeze can send 100,000 germs into the air.  That’s one heck of a lot of cooties!

It’s almost impossible to keep your eyes open when sneezing.  If you can manage to keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out . . . just kidding, that’s not true.  Your eyes will bulge out from the pressure, but they will not pop out.

It is, however, possible to fracture a rib with an especially strong sneeze . . . so be careful!  

Monday, October 24, 2011

Gunfighters don't charge by the bullet

Sometimes you have to just suck it up and bite the bullet.  Of course, you may get lead poisoning in the process. 

Symptoms include: High blood pressure, decline in mental functioning, muscular weakness, headache, memory loss, and mood disorders

But seriously . . . not that lead poisoning isn’t serious . . . did you ever ponder where the phrase ‘bite the bullet’ comes from?  Believe it or not, it quite literally comes from the act of biting a bullet.   Again, with the lead poisoning . . . it’s inescapable.

Biting the bullet may have actually been a cure for lead poisoning  . . . a direct and painful dose of it. 

The phrase dates back to the early 1800’s.  During warfare when time was short or anesthesia was unavailable, field doctors would shove a lead bullet between the teeth of their patient’s teeth and advise them to bite down on it.  It would distract the patient from the pain associated with the extrication of said source of lead poisoning or whatever procedure they had to endure.  I can’t imagine that biting on a bullet would be enough to keep someone from feeling a doctor digging for a slug buried in the flesh or sawing through bone . . . so, maybe it also kept them from screaming so as to not to disrupt the surgeon and his task. 

Also, the lead was somewhat pliable which would keep the patient’s teeth from breaking while biting. 

If you’re thinking one could get lead poisoning from biting the bullet, it’s true.  But what’s worse?  Dying of a gunshot wound or gangrene or suffering from a little forgetfulness and a headache?

Suck it up, buttercup!