The great toilet paper debate

As I see it, one of my duties of wife and life-partner is to annoy the bajoopies out of my beloved hubby.  It is a job I take quite seriously, as I’m sure he would freely attest to.  I’ve instigated a silent battle to which he falls prey to and is helpless to ignore.    It is the contentious over versus under conundrum.

It started a few years ago.  We were on vacation and I hit the potty as soon as we got to the motel.   For some reason I got it into my head that putting the toilet paper roll on backwards, so the loose end would come from the back, would be amusing.  That whole trip every time I went to use the bathroom the toilet paper would be turned back around . . . of course I would flip it back.  Neither one of us mentioned it but on and on it went. 

At home, if I happen to be using “his” bathroom and I have to change the roll, I’ll put it on backwards.  Sometimes to be especially evil I’ll even press the loose edge to the back of the toilet paper holder so it doesn’t show and it’s harder to find . . . why?  Because picturing him spinning and groping the roll looking for the loose end makes me chuckle.  It’s the little things in life that amuse me.

So, who’s to say I’m wrong?  Maybe the wrong way is the right way?  Who decided that the paper has to hang down in the front? 

It’s arguable that the toilet paper hanging over is superior because it’s easier to grab the end piece and to count out number of tiles.  This is especially important if you’re following Sheryl Crow’s train of thought on the subject of toilet paper in general.  According to the Green Queen (Sheryl Crow) “a limitation should be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting”.  She thinks we are “industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”  Uh, yeah . . . that would never work in my bathroom.  Either she’s an extraordinarily neat pooper or I’m an extraordinarily messy one. 

Besides the obvious fact that it looks neater and it’s less tempting for kitty, from a scientific perspective the toilet paper hanging under is a more betterer way.  When force is applied to the roll in the "over" position the roll is pressed downward and towards the wall. This causes friction between the tissue and the wall, which can add enough strain to cause the tissue to tear, leaving the user with less than required . . . unless you’re Sheryl Crow, that is.  With the toilet paper in the "under" position, when pulling on the tissue in this position it is pulled slightly upward and away from the wall, avoiding friction from the wall completely. This method allows the roll to spin freely, and the user is better able to control how much tissue to use and when to tear it.  The scientific proof is indubitable . . . physics is boss!

That being said, the manufacturers of Cottonelle toilet tissue have recently vowed to recall defective toilet paper that rolls 'under'. 

Yeah . . . whatever. 

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Thousand Island Dressing

• 1 Cup Mayonnaise
• 1/2 Cup Ketchup
• 1 Cup Sweet Pickle Relish
• 1 Pinch Salt
• 1 Pinch Ground Black Pepper

In a small bowl, mix together the mayonnaise, ketchup, relish, salt and pepper until thoroughly combined, and serve.