Saturday, August 27, 2011

You can kid the world. But not your sister.

Sibling rivalry . . . my sister wasn’t my rival, she was my nemesis.    She spent most of her unoccupied time torturing her little sister . . . that would be me . . .

I tried to stay out of sight and out of trouble’s way; trouble mainly being my sister.  Unfortunately, trouble often found me.

Being small and meek didn’t mean I wasn’t above retaliating.  Vengeance came at a price . . . generally getting the snot kicked out of me . . . but sometimes settling the score was worth a few bumps and bruises.

Our mom was a single parent which meant she had no choice but to hold down a job while trying to manage a household and two growing girls.  We lived in the sticks on top of a mountain 20 miles or more away from anything remotely resembling civilization.  This meant that our mother had a lengthy commute to and from work everyday. 

That meant a lot of time alone at home fending for ourselves.  For me that meant reading books, climbing trees, playing records or watching one of the two channels our television antenna managed to tune in.  I’m not sure what my sister did but whatever it was I’m sure it was nothing good.

When she got a boyfriend, I couldn’t have been happier.  Finally her attention would be diverted from me . . . the poor sucker . . . let her torment someone else for a change. 

The boyfriend was the kid from up the road.  His Gramma owned the little store that had everything from penny candy to milk.  So my sister spent a lot of time there but sometimes they would be at our house hanging out.  He was nice enough, he never bothered me and he was the focus of my sister’s attention so it was all good.

My sister and I shared a bedroom.  One day I went up to our room to get a book or a toy or something and ending finding more than I expected.    There . . . in my sister’s bed . . . under the covers . . . was my sister and the boyfriend.  Apparently, I surprised them both.

“I’m telling mom!!!” I announced.  Ah yes, vengeance was mine!

“You’re not telling mom anything” she said, feigning coolness.  “And, besides, we were just taking a nap.”

Okay, I was just the kid sister but I wasn’t born yesterday.  I watched the afternoon Soap Operas and read Janet Daley novels.  I knew the difference between napping and nookying.  You don’t nap on top of someone and there was an awful lot going on for a couple of teenagers who were supposedly sleeping.

“I’m telling mom!!!” I repeated and proceeded to tear-ass out of there to hide until our mom got home. 

It was that exact moment when I perceived a slight shift in the balance of power in our relationship.  For once, I had the upper hand and I was going to leverage every ounce of that power to my advantage.  Oh, she was going to be in soooooooooooo much trouble.

I told on her . . . yes indeedy I did-did-diddly!  And she got in a whole heap of trouble . . . yes she did-did-diddly!  It was awesome.  There was a talk with my sister.  And then there was a talk with the boyfriend.  And then there was a talk with my sister and the boyfriend.  It was awesome!!  Of course, I was banished to the bedroom while all this talking was going on.  But, it didn’t matter . . . she was in BIG BIG trouble and it  . . . was . . . AWESOME!! That and my side of the bedroom was right over the room where all that talking was going on  . . .

After that, I never walked in on them again.  I guess they took their napping elsewhere.

Well, they eventually got married . . . are still married, in fact . . . and my sister claims she was . . . uhm . . . unsullied . . . yeah, yeah that’s it . . . unsullied when they wed.  Uh huh . . . I ain’t buying what you’re selling, sister!

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