Saturday, August 20, 2011

No ifs, ands or butts.

I have a bubble butt.  It’s true.  I’ve always had a lot of junk in my trunk . . . even when I was at my thinnest.  That’s the way nature saw fit to build me . . . and I can live with my bootiliciousness.  It’s all good.

That being said, I don’t overly love having such a big bondonkadonk.  So, I don’t get it when women want to augment their speed bumps.  I’m not talking about a lift or a tuck . . . I’m talking going from a tiny tushy to full-on big, honkin’ hind end.

If you haven’t heard of it, I’m not surprised . . . I only happened upon this recent trend in physical alterations quite by accident.  Frankly, I was dumbfounded.  I’ve never heard of any woman who actually wanted a fat ass.

After some poking around I found that there are two main options to get this procedure done. 

The first is silicone implants . . . it’s a balloon that is surgically implanted in your butt cheeks to make them bigger.  These balloons can shift and droop . . . causing an awkward looking dupey. 

The other is just as icky, if not worse.  It is called a Brazilian Butt Lift.  Basically, you get fat sucked from one part of your body and injected into your posterior region.  Supposedly, the fat is sterilized and only the finest quality blubber is used for the reinsertion but . . . ugh . . . ew!

Those are the medical ways . . . believe it or not there’s actually a black market for this type of procedure.  Why someone would get the equivalent of a medical procedure from someone in a hotel (or worse) is beyond me.

Is this atractive?  Am I missing something?

A recent trend of women are being hospitalized as a result of getting illegitimate arse augmentation.  The illicit unqualified quacks are injecting the derriere desperados with everything from petroleum jelly, Fix-a-Flat . . . which is somewhat ironic  considering 

. . .  to industrial caulk . . . yeah, that stuff you buy at home improvement stores as a sealant.  In case you didn’t know, caulk goes from a viscous material to a solid once it’s applied . . . and is also poisonous to humans if ingested.  Yeah, technically if its injected into your butt it’s not being ingested but its still inside your body so that can’t be good for you. 

Oh, by the way  . . . it’s not just women following this fad.

I’m sorry if this information is disturbing but I was feeling a bit cheeky.

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