Stuff by Cher: Why I Like Velveeta

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Why I Like Velveeta

Velveeta . . . you know the stuff. It can barely be called cheese . . . and it’s not really, not even to the USFDA. It’s considered a processed cheese food product. I like the fact that they had to include the word 'food' in the classification. Like there was a question about whether or not it's food . . . well, maybe there is.

I’ll admit that I like it. Like spam . . . it has its place in my kitchen but by no means would I put it up there with my beloved super sharp cheddar or luscious creamy brie.

I've noticed that, depending on where I shop, I may find it in the refrigerated dairy section or I may find it on a shelf somewhere else in the store. The question is . . . does it need to be refrigerated? Well, no . . . not really.

It is shelf stable because it is so very, very ultra-super-duper highly pasteurized and it’s not truly cheese and it is vacuum sealed it actually does not need to be kept cold. Some would argue that you don’t even need to refrigerate it after it’s been opened . . . well, I err on the side of caution and not go that far.

Velveeta has a longevity that rivals uranium but to keep it fresh it’s best stored in an airtight container after you’ve opened it. Refrigerate or not . . . I’ll leave that up to you.

For those of you cringing over the thought of consuming Velveeta . . . remember when the power went out for weeks and weeks in parts of the country after Hurricane Rita and the subsequent snow storm? Well, because Velveeta has such a long shelf life it is excellent to keep on hand to go with your long or short term survival supplies. It’s great for camping, too.

Just remember that as well as Velveeta keeps it does lose some quality over time . . . yes, I know, quality is a relative term. Whatever . . . just make sure you mark the date of your stored Velveeta.

If you’re a fisherman . . . keep a plastic container of Velveeta in your fishing tackle box. Believe it or not, trout like the stuff . . . whether a week old or a year old, they don’t care.

And if you want to give those fishies an extra special treat, stuff a piece of garlic into the inside of the cheese ball . . . you’ll have cheesy garlic stuffed trout on your table in no time . . . well, processed cheese food product and garlic stuffed trout, anyway.

Enjoy!