Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

You do it . . . I do it . . . everybody does it.  It’s completely natural and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. 

No not that!!  For the love of snarts, get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m talking about sternutation.

It starts as a little tickle.  As it builds you take a deep breath . . . you close your eyes . . . you press your tongue against the roof of your mouth . . . and then all of a sudden a burst of air erupts your nose.   A sneeze . . . it sounded kind of sexy there for a second, didn’t it.  Perv.

There is an ancient belief that sneezing is a near-death experience; that is why people “bless you” after your sneeze.  The blessing is supposed to prevent your soul from escaping your body and to deter the devil from entering in.

You can try to prevent this near death by trying to breathe through your mouth and pinching the end of your nose.    However, if you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.  Just sayin’. 

I say let ‘em fly . . . just not all over the person standing next to you; that’s just rude. 
A sneeze travels at a speed over 100 miles per hour the fastest sneeze recorded was a whopping 136 miles per hour . . . yeah, someone actually measured that.  Ew.

Maybe even more impressive is that a single sneeze can send 100,000 germs into the air.  That’s one heck of a lot of cooties!

It’s almost impossible to keep your eyes open when sneezing.  If you can manage to keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out . . . just kidding, that’s not true.  Your eyes will bulge out from the pressure, but they will not pop out.

It is, however, possible to fracture a rib with an especially strong sneeze . . . so be careful!  

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