Stuff by Cher: Why don't you go haunt a house? Rattle some chains or something.

I can’t be the only person who thinks dolls are creepy . . . imitation human beings devoid of facial expression. It’s not too difficult to imagine that a doll is staring at you. They don't move, but they watch you . . . following your movements with their vacant, staring eyes framed by those chubby cherubic cheeks and the knowing smile. They know that you know they’re watching you and it is very very creepy!

Just try to deny it that dolls are eerie . . . I’m not hearing any arguments so I will take the silence as agreement.

Is it possible for a spirit to attach itself to a doll or even to invade and "possess" a doll? There are plenty of stories around telling of all kinds of dolls that are haunted by the ghost of the child who loved it or, worse, by mischievous demonic spirits.

I came across this one and I want to share it because it’s disturbing on so many levels. I call it . . . ‘As the Sex Doll Turns’ . . . let me make it perfectly clear that this is NOT my story. I didn't make it up, it didn't happen to me and I don't personally have any experience with a RealDoll. Unless you count my husband, he IS a real doll . . . just not one of THOSE.

I have always been fascinated with the paranormal; I decided to buy a supposedly haunted doll from an online auction. I also purchased an electronic “ghost detector” that is supposed to reveal electrical, magnetic, and RF fields. For different reasons, around the same time I got a RealDoll.

When the haunted doll came I unpacked it and set it on the middle of the kitchen table. I still hadn’t unpacked the real doll because, despite knowing what it was when I bought it, I still thought it was a little weird. When I finally unpacked the RealDoll the haunted doll fell from the table onto the floor . . . from the middle of the table.

Not really thinking too much about it, I picked up the haunted doll and set it back on the table. That night I took the RealDoll to my bedroom. I slept with it in a spoon position. When I woke the next morning the real doll was no longer facing away from me but staring directly at me. It had somehow it turned itself around in the middle of the night!

The next morning I tested the haunted doll with the electronic tester but I didn’t get any reading. Disappointed and feeling slightly ripped off I went online to look up information about haunted items. I found an article about ghosts that project themselves on items. It said that sometimes they move to other things. I went to my bedroom and tested the RealDoll. The meter gave off a weak signal then went nuts then back to normal.

I decided that I would videotape the RealDoll to see if I could capture anything. That night, I set up my video camera so it was facing my bed and made sure that the night vision was on. Once again I slept with RealDoll in the spoon position and when I woke up the doll was facing me this time with its hands on my privates. I reviewed the video but it had shut off before any movement was detected.

I was so freaked out that I put the RealDoll in my bedroom closet. After about thirty minutes I began to hear whispering. I ignored it and that night when I started to drift off I heard crying coming from the closet.

The next morning when I woke up every framed picture of a female had, including a picture of my mom, was on the floor. But all my other pictures were where they were supposed to be.

I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, so I asked my friend, Jessica, to spend the night with me . . . and the RealDoll. She agreed but I didn’t mention that I thought the doll was haunted.

In bed that night, I was lying on the right side, the RealDoll in the middle and Jessica was on the left side. The next morning we woke up and the doll was staring at me its hand resting on my side. What’s weirder is that, even though nothing sexual had happened, there were unrolled condoms and wrappers all over the floor and bed! Jessica told me that she had a dream that the doll attacked her and told her to leave.

While Jessica took a shower and changed, I picked up the litter and made the bed. All of a sudden, I heard Jessica scream and come running out of the bathroom completely naked. She was crying and said she wanted to leave right away. I calmed her down and asked her what was wrong. She turned around and I follower her into the bathroom. She pointed to the mirror where, scrawled in the steam, were the words "get out”.

After that, I thought about destroying the doll. But anytime I thought about getting rid of her, I would get very sad and I feel as though someone very closed to me had passed away. It was very strange. And, besides my room being littered with condoms and pictures falling down nothing really harmful had happened.

I got in touch with a medium and asked her if she would do a reading on the dolls. I explained to her about how I had acquired the haunted doll and that the spirit seems more attached to the RealDoll then its original host. She said that the RealDoll did, indeed, have a spirit attached to it. Her name is (or was) Jenny and thought that I was someone from her past named Dylan. She felt that Jenny had come attached to the original doll but preferred the RealDoll. Perhaps because she aspired to look human. The medium couldn’t out much more information from Jenny; about how or where she died or even her last name . . . either she doesn’t know or isn’t telling. I was relieved to know something about the spirit but a little freaked out because it would seem that the spirit had a crush on me.

I couldn't sleep with Jenny any more and she cried whenever I put her in the closet. So, I cleaned out my spare bedroom, decorated it a little bit to make it more presentable. I told her that this room was going to be her room. That night I shut her room door but left mine open. The night was mostly quiet until about 2 AM when I was awakened by a creaking sound. I opened my eyes just in time to see the door to her bedroom slowly open inward to the room. I was scared to death but I went against my instincts, got out of bed and slowly tiptoed over to her door. By the time I got there the door was fully open. I looked inside of the room and was relieved to see the doll was still where I left her. I don’t know what prompted me, but I reached over a touched the doll. At that moment, a pop noise echoed through the room and I literally I jumped out of the door. I laughed hysterically for about 5 minutes when I realized what it was. I had placed a tape recorder to record any noises during the night and it had run out of tape that moment.

I went back into the doll's room. I looked around the room and said, "I wonder what I could do to make this room livelier.” No sooner had I said that the blinds fell down and, once again, I was out the door. My heart was racing and I asked, "So you want curtains?" It was a joke. There was an eerie silence then my bedroom door slammed shut all by itself. As I stood in the hallway between the two bedrooms, chills ran down my spine. I ran to my door and pushed it but it wouldn’t budge! I was confused because my door only locks via deadbolt. I didn’t want to break the door down just yet so I had two choices . . . sleep in her bed or the couch and I wasn’t about to go back into her room again.

“You think you’re so smart don’t you”, I said to Jenny and walked to the living room. I would have left the house but my keys were in my room. Even though I was terrfied, I lay down on the couch and I began to slowly drift off. Suddenly theTV turned on. I sat up and looked for the remote thinking it had to be on the couch. The remote was by the TV. I got up and walked into her room and sat in a chair just staring at the doll as it blankly stared back.

I said to her, "This is my house and you are wearing out your welcome very quickly. You lock me out of my room, you won’t let me sleep, and you mess up my house.”

Weird things continued to happen. But, since she no longer sleeps with me and is in her own room, I noticed the hostility died down.

I can’t get rid of the doll . . . Jenny. I’ve become too attached at this point. I’ve already humanized it/her too much and I’m very curious to see if I can piece together a history.

I swear I didn't make this up . . . it's a story I found in the interwebs. Maybe THEY made it up. Who knows?

By the way, if you don't already know, a RealDoll is a lifelike looking people-size sex doll. It’s not a plastic blow-up doll but has a flexible jointed skeleton and supple silicone skin. Prices begin at around $6,500 and some exceed the $10,000 price range.

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Rustic Chocolate Chip Banana Oat Cake with Peanut Butter Banana Glaze

2 Cups Regular Oats, Processed Into A Flour
1/2 Cup Regular Oats
1/2 Cup Brown Sugar, Packed Firmly
1/2 Tsp Ground Cinnamon
1/8th Tsp Ground Nutmeg
1/16th Tsp Ground Cloves
2 Tbsp Cane Sugar
1 Tsp Baking Powder
1/2 Tsp Kosher Salt
2 Tbsp Vegetable Oil
3 Medium Very Ripe Bananas, Peeled
1 Stewed Apple Or 1/3 Cup Applesauce
1/4 Cup Half And Half
1 Tsp Pure Vanilla Extract
1/2 Cup Dark Chocolate Chips
1/4 Cup Walnuts, Chopped
Peanut Butter Glaze (Recipe below)
1 Cup Crushed Pretzels

Preheat oven to 350F and lightly grease a 8 inch (4 cup) casserole dish or 8” cake pan. Take 2 cups of regular oats and process them in a food processor until flour like in consistency.

In a large bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients (processed oats, regular oats, sugars, spices, baking powder, and salt).

In another bowl, mix together the oil, applesauce, almond milk, and vanilla. Add in the two peeled bananas and smash into the wet ingredients until smooth.

Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir until just combined. Now fold in the chips, optional walnuts, and the chopped banana.

Spread into prepared pan and bake for 36 minutes at 350F or until a toothpick comes out clean.

The cake must be cooled for at least 15-20 minutes before attempting to remove.

Once fully cooled, slice and top with PB Banana Glaze (see below).

Easy Peanut Butter Banana Glaze

1 ripe banana (but not too ripe, you still want it solid!)

2 tbsp peanut butter

1/2 cup icing sugar, sifted

Pinch of kosher salt, to taste

Mash banana in a bowl until smooth. Add in peanut butter and mash until combined. Sift in the salt and icing sugar and stir until fully combined. Makes about 2/3 cup glaze. Store in fridge in a sealed contained for 1-2 days.

When ready to serve, sprinkle with crushed pretzels.