Firewater Friday - I don't always drink hand sanitizer, but when I do I prefer Purell

I remember when I was a teenager and discovering the joys of chugging beer, getting loaded on Mai Tais at the local Chinese restaurant and drinking too many screwdrivers and puking in some random parking lot.

Ah . . . my sweet stupid youth.  Yeah all kids are pretty dumb . . . especially when it comes to drinking alcohol;  moderation doesn't usually factor in.

Kids these days don't seem to be any smarter than I was.  In fact, they may even be more idiotic.  It seems they will do anything to get a buzz.  When I was a teenager it wasn't all that difficult to get my hands on a six pack or a pint.  It must be harder now.  

I recently read a news article about teens getting drunk off hand sanitizer.  You read that right . . . slurping that gel you used to get the germs off your hands.  Apparently, you can get drunk off the stuff but it’s also not safe. Liquid hand sanitizer is 62% ethyl alcohol and makes a 120-proof liquid.  A couple squirts and a kid can get seriously drunk . . . a couple more squirts and they’re in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.  Don’t laugh . . . it happens.  So not only do we have to lock up the liquor but now we have to keep the hand sanitizer under lock and key. 

Quite of few of the kids who are smart enough to manage to get some actual booze in their hands aren’t intelligent enough to ingest it in the natural way . . . you know, by drinking it.

No, they’re coming up with some pretty creative ways to get the buzz without the tell-tale booze breath.

Some are inserting alcohol soaked tampons into their nether regions.  Sometimes called butt chugging . . . uhm . . . yeah. The rapid absorption causes a faster buzz.  A super-plus absorbency tampon can hold 1.5 ounces of liquid . . . which is the equivalent of one shot.  I imagine that it has got to burn like hell to have alcohol in direct contact with your  . . . er . . . sexy parts. 

Others are doing what is known as vodka eyeballing . . . as the name would suggest it is the practice of pouring vodka directly into the eyes.  It’s supposed to give an instant buzz.  It would seem self evident but pouring alcohol in your eye can cause serious damage . . . the resulting chemical burn can cause immediate injury to the cornea and surrounding tissue and repeated applications will continue to degrade the tissues . . . the injury is irreversible.  Is it worth it to go blind for a quick high?  I’d say not.

Imbibing with these unorthodox methods your body cannot not react the way it normally would if too much alcohol is consumed . . . that is, if you drink too much you’re gonna hurl.  There’s no hurling here . . . your body has no outlet other than to metabolize the booze; too much and you’re in the hospital or dead.

Like I said . . . kids are stupid.  I know I most certainly was . . . but I was never THAT dumb.

Coconut Mango Mojito

6-8 Fresh Mint Leaves

2 1/2 Ounces of Mint Simple Syrup

1 Ounce of Coconut Rum

1 1/2 Ounces of Club Soda

1-2 Ounces of Mango Puree

The Juice of One Lime

To make the mango puree, combine 1 peeled and chopped, ripe mango in a food processor (or high speed blender) with the juice of 1 lime, and process until smooth.

In the bottom of a glass, add 1 ounce of simple syrup and the mint leaves. Muddle with a muddler or use the clean bottom of something blunt. Add ice to the glass, and pour rum, syrup, mango puree, lime juice and club soda over top. Mix with a long spoon or knife and serve with an additional sprig of mint.

Mint Simple Syrup

1 Cup Water

1 Cup Sugar

10 Fresh Mint Leaves

Add all ingredients to a small saucepan and heat over medium heat just until it bubbles. Turn down to low for 2 minutes, and then remove from heat and let sit for 15-20 minutes.

Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container until ready to use.