Saturday, September 10, 2011

It's enough fo make me to go nuts like cashews!

There’s a guy who frequents my gym . . . he smells like cashews.  Not just a little . . . he literally eminates a stench of cashews.  Which might be okay if I actually like the nuts  . . . but I don’t and it’s nauseating.  What’s more disturbing is that he smell like this from the moment he enters the gym . . . not necessarily after a running on the treadmill or climbing a Stairmaster.

And it seems the man always zeros on where I am and works out near me . . . dude there’s a whole big gym out there . . . go somewhere else. He reeks so strongly of cashews that I have to move as far away from him as possible when he’s working out or risk barfing.

Mind you, this is not a one time occurrence.  I’ve been going to this gym for years . . . as has this man . . . and he always, always, ALWAYS smells this way.  He literally has a three or four foot aura of cashew-ee-ness surrounding him.    It’s seriously gross.

It’s like he’s a giant cashew cruising on the elliptical machine disguised as a big muscular dude.

Anyhoo . . . I’ve looked on the intertubes for anything related specifically to this odor and I haven’t found anything.  There’s lotsa stuff about body odor in general and other odors caused by particular foods or illnesses.  But, alas, nothing on cashews.

It IS possible to smell like the food you eat . . . of course you’ve smelled the person who ate a garlic pizza or drank to much beer the night before . . . but cashews?   I suppose it’s possible.  Your skin holds fat soluble stuff . . .  the things you eat that have fats in them could leave a smell in your skin as the fats are stored. I wonder how many cashews he’d have to eat one a regular basis to store that stench in his skin?

Maybe he’s there to pick up chicks . . . at 5:00 AM I find that unlikely.  However,  cashews are supposed to be an aphrodisiac that contain pheromones that make you sexy to others.

Maybe he’s got an erectile dysfunction that he’s nomming on cashews to fix . . . cashews are literally a natural Viagra.  Cashews are also known to increase libido, potency and male stamina.

Or maybe he’s just trying to get his wife impregnito . . .  those nasty little nuts increase the volume and potency of sperm and also help them to move and maneuver better.

Okay . . . all that is fine and dandy.  But it smells like he eats, sleeps and bathes cashews.  WHY!!!!

OMG someone save me before I hurl.

And then there's the guy who picks up the garbage around my office who smells like baby powder . . . I don't even want to know  what that's about!

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