Stuff by Cher: Firewater Friday - Some people gaze into their navel for inspiration. I look into mine and see navel fluff

Belly button fluff (BBF). . . those little poofs of fuzz that appear mysteriously in your navel . . . what is it and how does it get there? Inquiring minds want to know . . . well, I did so you get the benefit of my inquisitiveness. Lucky you!

I have a long standing belief that navel lint was manufactured by little dudes that labor to create the biggest ball of fluff they can in the shortest amount of time possible. I imagine they would like a little something like the doozers in Fraggle Rock. Those little guys are soooo freaking cute!

Anyhoo . . . BBF is made up primarily of clothing fibers with sweat, fat, dead skin cells and loose strands of body hair mixed in for texture and consistency. The quantity of each ingredient varies from belly button to belly button depending on the formulation devised by the particular doozer crew performing the actual labor.

BBF is an anomaly in that it defies gravity; most BBF comes from your underwear. A shocking discovery reveals that the lint particles actually migrate upwards via a line a body hair that extends from the groin area to the navel . . . the hairs around the belly button are arranged in a spiral configuration; much like a conveyer belt moving materials that leads directly to the belly button and to the doozers.

The favorite color of doozers is blue-gray . . . much the same color as clothes dryer lint. But some radical elements of the workforce will incorporate crazy colors like red and green.

Those who go commando and/or shave their belly hair have less BBF than the average person. These people are also responsible for the increasing unemployment numbers being reported by doozer unions worldwide.

Although moral among doozers is generally high . . . actually the highest of most large workforces . . . there are disgruntled crews that put bad things into the finished BBF product. These bad things are what cause the unpleasant odors that sometimes accompany the lint.

Doozers like a clean work environment. A clean doozer is a happy doozer.

The world record holder for the largest collection of BBF belongs a hospital worker from Australia. He has been continuously collecting BBF for 18 years. Strangely, he reports that his fluff is almost always red in color, which changes to a yellow-blue after many years. He swears that he never wears red clothing. He wants to save enough to stuff a pillow. Some people have way too much time on their hands . . . and lint in their belly buttons.